I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
