when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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