She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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