So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
