I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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