I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
