So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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