Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
