It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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