A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
