Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
