If i come over, it means nothing
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
