Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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