Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Randomize
