i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
