dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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