i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
