I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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