In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
