I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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