This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
