drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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