i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
try to milk me bitch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
