I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
