I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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