so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
