Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
