how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
