i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
