We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
