I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just sent this text using only my big toe
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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