before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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