Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
try to milk me bitch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
