thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
