she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
