I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
