4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
