But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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