mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
