Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
