I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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