Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize