It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
