Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
