What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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