The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
