I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
