I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
