What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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