I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This toilet bowl is my home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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