is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
