May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize