I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
