I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
