i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
