I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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