My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
