im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize