I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He? As in you personified your dick?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
