there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
