Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
