god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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