We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
COCAINE IS GR8
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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