Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
