i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
