I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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