Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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